


Gryffindors, Detectives, and Riddles

by Runic_Purple_Panda



Series: Riddles, Gryffindors, Detectives, and Ravenclaws [8]
Category: Gotham (TV), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Complete, F/M, Ficlet, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 08:13:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4997305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runic_Purple_Panda/pseuds/Runic_Purple_Panda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione and Barbara complain to Harry.  Harry complains to Ed.  Ed shocks the hell out of Jim.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gryffindors, Detectives, and Riddles

“Haaaar-ryyyyyyyy,” Barbara whined.

“It’s horrible,” Hermione whined.

Harry sighed and swung the door to his and Ed’s apartment fully open, allowing the two women in, “Jim’s working late too, huh?”

“He’s been working late for the last two months,” Hermione grumbled.

“I want sex,” Barbara said. “With a penis.”

“Penis sex,” Hermione agreed.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and then Barbara added, “Jim’s soulmarks are on his penis.”

“I didn’t want to know that,” Harry said. “And for the record, I’m not having sex with either of you.”

Hermione and Barbara scrunched up their noses at him.

“We have no intention of getting sex from you, Harry,” Hermione said. “We’re just here to commiserate with you since Ed is also working late.”

“And the reason Luna’s not here?”

Hermione and Barbara shared an amused look. Barbara said, “You honestly think Harvey Bullock would stay late at work for any reason?”

Harry was silent for a few moments, before saying, “Good point. I’ll get the ice cream.”

“There’s a good chap,” Hermione said.

* * *

“I know entirely too much about Jim Gordon’s sex life, or lack thereof,” Harry told Ed when he finally arrived home the next night.

Ed gave him a strange look, “Why?”

“Hermione and Barbara came over last night when you and Jim worked late. We, well, we didn’t exactly have a discussion; it’s more they ranted at me and I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want them ranting about me.”

“Poor baby,” Ed said, smirking.

Harry gave him a distressed look, “This isn’t funny. I know what his soulmarks say. I know where his soulmarks are. I didn’t want to know about them being on his penis, I really didn’t.”

Ed’s smirk turned into a distressed look of his own, “Why on earth did you tell me?”

“I’m going to tell you everything they say, every time they come over to bitch about Jim, because if I have to be miserable in the knowledge about Jim’s penis soulmarks, then so do you my dear.”

Ed groaned and hid his head under the pillow, “Stop talking about Jim’s penis, please and thank you.”

* * *

“Your soulmarks are on your penis,” Ed said to Jim, causing Harvey to choke on his coffee. Ed ignored him and continued, “Do you know how I know this?”

“I, uh, what, no!?” Jim sputtered.

“Because Harry told me. Do you know how Harry knows this? Because your soulmates told him, while complaining about not getting laid enough. Go have sex with your soulmates so they’ll stop talking about your penis to mine. Thank you.”

Jim stared in shock as Ed flounced away. Harvey was silent for a few moments, before he burst out laughing. Jim stared blankly at Harvey for a few moments, before flipping him off.

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is actually the last story that will be focusing on Jim/Hermione/Barbara, I leave you with the following: 
> 
> Both of Jim’s soulmarks are in turquoise. Hermione’s handwriting says _Alright, where’s that idiot best friend of mine?_ and Barbara’s handwriting says _Nice to meet you, Jim. Wanna have sex?_ Barbara was very, very drunk when she and Jim first met.
> 
> Barbara has _Hi, I’m Jim._ in a the same blue as Jim’s eyes, curled around her right ankle in Jim’s handwriting and _It’s nice to finally meet you, but I do need to breathe._ in a bright golden yellow color on her hip in a spiral in Hermione’s handwriting. Barbara crushed Hermione in a hug to rival Mrs. Weasley’s when they first met.
> 
> Hermione has the words _It’s about damn time!_ in a dull red color on the small of her back in Barbara’s handwriting. _Jim. And if you’re who I think you are, Barbara is going to be ecstatic that I found you._ in orange on her left butt cheek in Jim’s handwriting.


End file.
